I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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