Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
