i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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