I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
