It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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