so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
