and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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