OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
