oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
