I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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