What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
