The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
