WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
