Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
