Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
