and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
