So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
