I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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