Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
time to smoke my breakfast
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
