I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
