My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
