I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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