seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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