I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
