So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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