WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
