We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
