Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
