wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
