forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
