just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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