just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
