In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
