I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
