vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
