I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
