If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
