I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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