Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
you never un-have a 4some
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
