i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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