I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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