i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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