I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
