So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
