I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
