even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
