So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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