we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
