I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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