if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
