you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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