I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
