I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
